It’s that time again. When we celebrate a new beginning for us all, when we begin to reevaluate certain aspects of our lives, when a bunch of A-holes crowd up my gym for the next few weeks as a result of their ill-fated yearly resolutions to “get fit in the new year”.
Face it. You people aren’t getting fit this year or any other year for that matter.
But I digress.
2016 is like a tiny little baby. It’s a blank slate. It’s so young that we can still mold it and shape it into whatever we want it to be. We can shove our hopes and dreams into it like we do to our children.
I know what you’re thinking: “I do NOT force my hopes and dreams onto my children. They have their own minds.”
Yes you do and no they don’t.
But, once again, I digress. (Maybe my New Year’s Resolution should be to stay on topic.)
Anyway, in case you’re interested in my opinion (and I’m assuming you are since you’re reading my blog) here is a list of 10 hopes I have for this bouncing baby new year of ours (in no particular order):
1. I hope the Kardashians get sent into space.
-They’re awful. I know it. You know it. And if we did send them into space, the aliens would know it too and probably send them right back.
2. I hope Donald Trump’s hair finally takes on a personality of it’s own and eats his head.
-It’s inevitable. That’s science.
3. I hope Congress passes a law for legal sterilization. The baby names people are coming up with these days…
-*cough*North West*cough*
4. I hope Lindsay Lohan makes a comeback.
-Mean Girls 2? So fetch.
5. I hope 80s fashion makes a major comeback.
-‘Charles in Charge’ of my clothes.
Anyone?
Anyone?
6. I hope the cost of movie theater concessions goes down.
-I spent so much on a coke the last time I went to the movies I kept expecting someone to come in and give me a complimentary handjob in the middle of the movie.
7. I hope I get a dog.
-No additional comment needed. Ruff ruff.
8. I hope Katie Holmes gets cast in a really good TV show.
-Come on you guys, she deserves it.
9. I hope summer becomes a year round thing.
-This has nothing to do with Global Warming, I just look good in a bathing suit.
10. I hope this year is full of many many future blog posts.
-You all love my unsolictied opinion. Don’t fight it.
Ok so some of my New Year’s hopes aren’t all that realistic but, hey, who says they have to be? They’re MY hopes. Stop judging me.
Oh…and Happy New Year.
True Hope Is Swift 