Can we all stop listening to Adele’s new song long enough to discuss an issue that’s plaguing this country?…an issue about cups. Not the Solo cups you see extras drinking out of in the background of a Miley Cyrus video, not Star Wars collectible cups, not even bouncy D-cups. I’m talking about the most controversial cup of all. The Starbucks red holiday cup.
In case you, like many Americans, were lulled into a dream-like daze by Donald Trump’s hair for the last couple of weeks, Starbuck’s has decide that, in leiu of their traditional cup design around the holiday season, they would dare to go with a simple (and if you want my opinion, rather elegant) plain red design.
That’s right. Plain. Red. Can you believe it? How in God’s name can John Starbuck look himself in the mirror every morning knowing that he has committed such an Isis level atrosity? I, for one, am offended beyond belief. This, my friends, is clearly a war on winter.
Yeah. I said ‘war on winter’ not ‘war on Christmas’. You know why? Because Starbucks never had Christmas themed cups, they had winter themed cups. WINTER.
Listen, Sister Christian….or brother Christian…or whoever may be reading, I am all for getting passionate about a worthy cause, but can we just take a second and think about what we’re fighting about here?
People are starving, people are being shot, terrorists are attacking, and you want to make a big deal out of a red cup? Far be it for me to get all political on your asses, but COME ON!
If the people of America got half as passionate about things like politics, education, the economy, world hunger, poverty, etc etc etc, the world would be an infinitely better place for all of us. But all we can do is argue over something we suck on the side of for twenty mintes before tossing it in the trash.
Wake up America, there’s a whole wide world out there full of important issues to get worked up about, what color the cup your Vanilla Gingerbread Sugar Caramel Lattepalooza comes in isn’t one of them.
True Hope Is Swift 